Exhausting Three Weeks

Week 1
- unconditional love
- never ending hurt
- unexplained guilt
- of wanting more, but ...
- forgiving heart
- no where to go / no one to talk to
- misinterpreted
- misjudge
- false hopes
- unstable emotions
- cramming

Week 2
- broken promises
- giving in and letting go
- a drop of happiness and a flood of sadness
- more questions and little answers
- of loving and of living
- of murdering my soul
- of accepting, understanding and forgiving
- of love and shadows
- tuning on the same program again and again... and unplugging it finally.

Week 3
- Hospitalization of my 88 year old lola
- of being a refuge
- of caring and patience
- of understanding
- of taking charge
- of cleansing my soul
- of pretending to be strong
- of eating all fears
- of holding on
- and trusting God

Mariah Carey

Just saw again Mariah's concert" "Adventures of Mimi" and performances... from "Idol Gives Back"
Powerful !!! Reminds me of how we LooVe Mariah... when me and my sister were still young... when we were recording all songs from MTV in a cassette player ( hehehe).

The Art Of Letting Go

“Do not let your heart be troubled.” His words do not seem to help ease your hurt, do they? Letting go is such a painful process that words — no matter how beautiful and sincere they are— can even intensify the sting of separation. No matter how much we are assured that the separation is only temporary, we still believe that it is better for people we love to be physically present.

But love is not love until it lets go. One who professes love but refuses to let go is not a lover. He is a parasite. Letting go is the ultimate test of love. But their mutual letting go did not mean abandonment or betrayal. Their letting go was the ultimate challenge of their love for one another. – you and I included – would have to grow with faith and hope.

Love demands faith and is nourished by hope. Our faith convinces us what our physical reality fails to prove. Our hope sustains us where human expectation falls short: Faith, hope, and love as St. Paul wrote, are the things that last to the end; and the greatest of them is love. But love is not love until it lets go.

Watching Before Sunset

Trying to find myself back to some unknown place and rest my heart and head, I went home and find myself watching this movie borrowed from my cousin.

Synopsis ( Before Sunset)
When Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy) met on a Eurail train, the connection between them was immediate and profound. The 14-hour relationship that followed, as the pair explored the spontaneous and unexpected in Vienna, ended on a train platform where they swore they'd meet again six months later. Nine years have passed since that morning. On the last stop of his book tour, at the tail end of a reading in a Paris book shop, Jesse finds Celine watching from the back of the room. She lives in Paris now, he in New York. He's flying out that evening and they utilize every moment, finding their human connection no less vital, inspiring or real than it was in nine years ago in Vienna. In a stimulating and revealing journey through Paris, in real time, these two individuals explore the inner workings of their hearts and minds and rediscover their rare yet powerful love for the unexpected, the unrehearsed, and each other.

This is how it goes ... we have a lot of life's expectation that sometimes frustrates you... well i badly miss and longs for the person whom I waited to fall for for my entire life. Then it came... but not the right time and not the right ... things are not just right or I am not just dead right. Sometimes you just wanted to be numb of feelings... to rationally understand the person whom you truly love ( no apprehension). I'm a dead meat tom ( hopefully to edit some things from these post tom). I am used to hearing magnified lies and a day after unexpectedly get the true version of it... then I torture myself pretending that I don't really understand things... rationalize and pretend that things are really what they are... and let fate take over but unconsciously it affects me. That affects life, health and dreams. I am not a cruel person... silence eats me up and eventually surrender to God and his plans for me ... but sometimes situation/ and people pushed you to the extreme and wanted you to act like I am not myself anymore and still cannot risk it... and because its not me. and will not feel good about it.

Movie Review :
If you watched the movie, for about an hour and half you'll just see this couple chat of their life's events for 10 years, the camera goes on from the book store, coffee shop, river, walk ways, car, to her apartment. And the whole thing just don't have any cut or maybe twice or trice... everything is spontaneous.

Tired Feet and Tired Soul

A tribute to my dearest feet to rest, wash, stand up and walk again.

Just wanted to share to you this link :

http://www.womenfitness.net/beauty/handfeet/foot_massage.htm

Renoir

When I can read my title clear
to mansions in the skies,
I bid farewell to every fear,
and wipe my weeping eyes.

Isaac Watts

Tooth Gap

Letting go is like getting a tooth pulled out from a dentist. pull it out, you're relieved. But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just because it wasn't hurting you doesn't mean u don't notice it. It leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. Its going to take a while, but its takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you so much pain.

Live

When eating, drinking and sleeping becomes a task.
And medical treatment becomes a challenge.
When you don't know where your pain is but you know exactly where its coming from.

hypnotic ending

Manila Bay 2008

Walking and appreciating life's treasure @ Manila Bay

My Simple Life

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A Cup of Tea

Not much... not much... not much... not much
I wanted the rain and this gloomy afternoon to stop.

My head is spinning and would almost burst its plasma out.
The cup of cranberry, strawberry and raspberry tea eased the pain a little.
Felt so cold and badly needed a lot of OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Prologue

Today, I am lifting again the pages of my constant companion to ease again the pain I've been bearing for sometime. I wanted to share to the void its prologue ...

Prologue

The Alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought. Leafing through the pages, he found a story about Narcissus.

The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth, who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beuty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called Narcissus.

But this was not how the author of the book ended the story.

He said that when Narcissus died, the goddess of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

"Why do you weep?" the goddess asked.

" I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.

" Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, ' for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand."

"But... was Narcissus beautiful?' the lake asked.

"Who better that you know that?" the goddess said in wonder. " after all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!"

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said:

"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. i weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, i could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."

What a lovely story," the alchemist thought.



-Alchemist
Paulo Coehlo

Your Wish is My Command

If only you had read carefully the message of some months ago.
Of letting your heart rest for some time or so.
That jumping from one emotion to another is stress.
That it'll cause more than physical pain and mess.

Today I found myself again in the dilemma of having been measured, compared, judged, tested and labeled. I decided to hibernate in Serenity, Solitude and Stillness of time.
We should not measure the quantity or quality of love or a wholeness of a person because humans are complex being, it is more than superficial, physical, and a visual matter. We don't live to make our souls imprisoned and confined in those dark and orange rooms. We live to breath, explore, travel, talk, share, gaze at the moon and stars, wake up in light, spread colors around us, and knowing the unknown. If you only knew how creative this mind works, with no impossibilities and could turn your life upside down; if only you have the guts and strong-will to feel and see it.

This morning, I saw an active bird dance " Another One Bites the Dust". I just wanted to thank Mookie an 18 year old female Moluccan cockatoo who is a sanctuary bird at Bird Lovers Only Rescue Service, Inc. Mookie is a bird who is extraordinarily happy and active despite her physical disabilities which inhibit her from walking normally. http://birdloversonly.blogspot.com/

She made me smile this morning and reminded me to have hope, courage and enjoy life however to leads you.

The Art of Sharpening Pencils

The Art of Sharpening Pencils

My 1st week of realizing Maktub.
Everyday I stand at the back of the train operator
and watching the railway track,
as the train moves it maintains a speed of 60 kph
and 20kph before stopping in a station
whispering that I am on the right track.

Day 1
Finally I am on the same crowd.
Freedom and expression
Day 2
Value of Time
Ist day of unsharpened pencil
Day 3
All artist dream in colors
Not all people can define colors
There will be no color if there is no Light
Day 4
Its freehand but you must know
The Art of Sharpening Pencils

When we were still young,
one of the easiest task to do is to sharpen a pencil.
You just need a pencil sharpener,
twist the wood and lead into the blade,
twist more till the lead is pointed
and
you got a sharpened pencil.

Today, I found myself struggling to sharpen a pencil.
You need to be equipped with a lot of things.
You need a cutter knife, a pencil pointer,
a scratch paper and tissue for your mess.
You need to have a standard,
for the length of lead (1/2 ") and wood exposed.

The lead should not be deadly
and crooked cause it may easily break,
The wood should not have rough edges
and should be tapered smoothly.

You need to have control, angle and a steady hand.
You need to have patience and discipline.
You need to test it before using.
To have a a perfectly sharpened pencil.

This is for your pencil be efficient and effective
and be able to perform well
and realize the vision you are tasked to.


As I practice the Art of Sharpening Pencils
I felt like a Pencil being sharpened.

Love Fool

Fool